Subway stalkin'

So I was on the subway heading home on my spare today, when the train stopped at Bay station and a person got on. Often I just mind my own business when I'm alone and stare at the floor or listen to music- but this person I found hard to ignore.

First of all, I could not for the life of me decide what zir gender was- and I don't mean that in an offensive way. I looked for all the different signs but zie was just too androgynous.

Zie was wearing: Ripped and faded light blue jeans, black Birkenstocks (sp.?), a loose red t-shirt with what looked like a small faded smiley face on the top left corner drawn with permenant marker, a couple of cuff-style bracelets, a silver chain necklace with a ring attached to the end and black aviator sunglasses. Zir hair was slightly higher than shoulder length, dark brown and wavy. Zie had a soft face yet with strong cheek bones and a square-ish jaw, which meant that zie was either a slightly feminine male or a slightly masculine female. Zie had a cute little mole beside zir nose on the right side of zir face.
Zie looked to be around maybe early-twenties and supposedly goes to U of T because of the textbooks zie was carrying and canvas bag with the university's logo.
Zir iPod was one of the new nanos and it was green.

This is all the data I collected during the next 3 stops. I found it interesting to try to detect zir gender, not that it was particularly any of my business, but still. It kept me busy and I thought I'd record my findings here, perhaps to read over later.

Lonely Saturday Night

There is no emotion for what I am feeling right now. I could try to explain, but it will be vague and confusing. I'm feeling sick, but peaceful. Tired, but alert. Stuffy, but clear. Happy, but lonely. Confused, but content.

After my shower my allergy symptoms went away, that's when my sister and Janet got here. We hung out for a little (they calmed me about University. Thank god.) and now they're gone. The rest of my family is out of town.

I've been home alone many times before but for some reason tonight, the prospect of getting into my cold bed without anyone to say goodnight to, or to say goodnight to me, is very unsettling. There's some sort of coldness in my chest that strikes me when I think about it, and I'm beginning to wish that I just had someone, my mom, my dad, Charlotte, Cadence, Dillan, Ami, Kate, ANYONE to be here with me so that the empty feeling goes away. Perhaps now, more than ever, I need someone to be here- simply for the sake of being here.

Sometimes my cat (Amy) sits in the same room as me just so she knows that if anything were to happen, another person would be there to help. And as I move from room to room, however restless I may be, she follows and doesn't seem to mind that I can't decide where I'm going. I feel like maybe we have the same mind-set. If she would take the lead, I would follow too. But just as all good things come to an end, she has gotten tired and has gone to sleep. Now I am just sitting alone at the computer, my toes are curled around each other for some sort of warmth and human contact, and I'm wearing my dad's sweater. It smells like his cologne, and it's like I'm hugging him every moment.

Come home soon, Family.
Love,
Emily

So damn tired.

So I just got home from a 10hr work day at Sobez. I was all pumped to get home and actually do something with my night but so far, I've just been sitting around watching tv. And eating cereal. My sister is coming home soon with her friend Janet who goes to university in London, ON. but is in town this weekend.

Okay. Has anyone seen that STUPID ringtone commercial with the animated rabbit hugging the carrot and singing a love song? Wtf! A lot of people are just like "Aw! It's the cutest thing ever! I just want to hug that bunny!" while I'm sort of like, "Oh my god. What has the world come to?" Maybe I'm just particularly bitter today, though.

I'm gonna go shower before my sister arrives home and asks if I've been crying. Explaination: allergies.

Night night

Wishes and kisses

So I've decided that this Autumn (which started yesterday, yessssss) I will enjoy myself. I havn't had a good Autumn in a few years. I know that sounds strange but it makes sense to me. I love the leaves... it's so cliche but it's true. It reminds me of better times when there was no high school stress, pressing decisions to make and emotional complications.

I realize that when I say things like that I sound like a godforsaken angsty know it all teenager, but I'm telling the truth. Just because 'better times' doesn't mean 40 years ago doesn't mean it is any less meaningful. I do miss the carelessness and actions free of consequences. I miss being able to smile at your crush in the hall without the sexual innuendos attached. When it was all innocent and in the name of love- not just for the sake of hook ups.



In elementary school, there used to be a game we played called 'Kissy Girl' which, as you may have guessed, is exactly what it sounds like. Girls would go around trying to kiss boys at every turn- quite a feat. My grade 4 crush, who will be called John (for lack of a more creative name coming to mind), played the game too. That's when I had my first kiss. It was sweet and short and so elementary school-ish.

I'd like to see the kids at my high school go around playing a universal game of Kissy Girl.

Just another fad?

Hey guys... or, lack there of. Maybe no one will ever read this and I will look like a fool. But only to others, not myself. I find that maybe blogging is a good way to sort things out... like a boring, public journal- seeing as how the last time I wrote in my actual journal was march... yikes.

So the newest- I'm home sick. Personally, I hate when people complain about how terrible they feel for an extended amount of time. I will try to avoid that, but... jesus do I feel gross! I keep getting chills, then heat strokes, then chills, etc. Hoping that my luck is better than this being Swine Flu (which is... over-rated?).

It's currently around 2pm and I woke up at around 11am. I have to work tonight, too. 4pm-9pm at Sobeys. Yes, Sobeys. I gave my 2 weeks notice one week ago so next Wednesday will be my last day there after 13 months! I can't say I'm not excited to get my weekends back. No more 10hr shift Saturdays!

Alas, I am still in my pjs so I guess I'll shower and maybe have some tea. Baked-Apple tea, courtousy of my friend Cadence... who actually happens to be sick as well. I blame her. Way to go, Cadence.

Love,
Emily