There is no emotion for what I am feeling right now. I could try to explain, but it will be vague and confusing. I'm feeling sick, but peaceful. Tired, but alert. Stuffy, but clear. Happy, but lonely. Confused, but content.
After my shower my allergy symptoms went away, that's when my sister and Janet got here. We hung out for a little (they calmed me about University. Thank god.) and now they're gone. The rest of my family is out of town.
I've been home alone many times before but for some reason tonight, the prospect of getting into my cold bed without anyone to say goodnight to, or to say goodnight to me, is very unsettling. There's some sort of coldness in my chest that strikes me when I think about it, and I'm beginning to wish that I just had someone, my mom, my dad, Charlotte, Cadence, Dillan, Ami, Kate, ANYONE to be here with me so that the empty feeling goes away. Perhaps now, more than ever, I need someone to be here- simply for the sake of being here.
Sometimes my cat (Amy) sits in the same room as me just so she knows that if anything were to happen, another person would be there to help. And as I move from room to room, however restless I may be, she follows and doesn't seem to mind that I can't decide where I'm going. I feel like maybe we have the same mind-set. If she would take the lead, I would follow too. But just as all good things come to an end, she has gotten tired and has gone to sleep. Now I am just sitting alone at the computer, my toes are curled around each other for some sort of warmth and human contact, and I'm wearing my dad's sweater. It smells like his cologne, and it's like I'm hugging him every moment.
Come home soon, Family.
Love,
Emily
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